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Simon Samuels | Creating Healthy Relationships
Practical tools and knowledge to help you grow your relationship, live a happier love-filled life, and develop yourself.
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sisamuels

Simon | Relationship Coach
Something important to keep in mind when dating is Something important to keep in mind when dating is that the attractiveness of a date often influences the way you perceive their personality and other attributes to make them seem more positive than they are in reality. Their attractiveness literally influences how you perceive their other qualities as a person. So the more attractive a date the more likely you are to think of them as a kind and good person, even when objectively they might not be.​​​​​​​​
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To work with this bias, try to remind yourself that attractiveness will be influencing you when you are going on a date with someone you find very attractive. Then try to focus on their behaviour to notice if they are truly behaving as good as you think they are. Also, notice their words and see if what they are saying matches your perception of them. If you start noticing that your perception of them and their behaviour doesn’t match up, then more likely than not their attractiveness is influencing you and you should be careful before proceeding.​​​​​​​​
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It’s also helpful to know that the attractiveness of a partner doesn’t increase long-term relationship satisfaction. It can actually have the opposite effect if you are influenced into choosing an attractive but unkind partner.​​​​​​​​
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#relationships#relationshipadvice#relationshiptips#relationshiprules#relationship101#lovequotes#marriageadvice#loveandmarriage#marriagegoals#emotionalwellbeing#emotionalintelligence#healthandwellness#selfhealers#innerwork#changeyourlife#mentalhealth#personalgrowth#growthmindset#growthquotes#quotes4life#psychology#therapy#healingquotes#heal#healfromwithin#love#compassion#wellbeing#wellness#dating
Soothing your partner is a crucial part of any rel Soothing your partner is a crucial part of any relationship. Most importantly you need to learn how best to soothe your partner as each person is different and likes soothed in different ways. Some people will want to be hugged while others won’t and will prefer to be left alone. Here are some things you can try:​​​​​​​​
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Compassionate talk: I’m so sorry you’re going through this. What do you need right now?​​​​​​​​
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Physical touch: Hugging, holding hands, massage, stroking skin.​​​​​​​​
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#relationships#relationshipadvice#relationshiptips#relationshiprules#relationship101#lovequotes#marriageadvice#loveandmarriage#marriagegoals#emotionalwellbeing#emotionalintelligence#healthandwellness#selfhealers#innerwork#changeyourlife#mentalhealth#personalgrowth#growthmindset#growthquotes#quotes4life#psychology#therapy#healingquotes#heal#healfromwithin#love#compassion#wellbeing#wellness#lovingkindness
Anyone who has been with a bad partner in the past Anyone who has been with a bad partner in the past might have had their self-esteem affected. These are some important things to remember for the future:​​​​​​​​
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• A bad relationship can make you lose sense of your innate value and start to doubt other’s ability to love you. Just because one person didn’t appreciate you doesn’t mean others won’t.​​​​​​​​
• Everyone has good parts of themselves that a good partner will appreciate.​​​​​​​​
• Your perceived flaws aren’t seen the same way by others as they are by you.​​​​​​​​
• You are valuable as you are unique: No one else is like you or has the exact same qualities that you do.​​​​​​​​
• When someone loves you they love you as you are.​​​​​​​​
• There are many people out there who will love you just for being you.​​​​​​​​
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#relationships#relationshipadvice#relationshiptips#relationshiprules#relationship101#lovequotes#marriageadvice#loveandmarriage#marriagegoals#emotionalwellbeing#emotionalintelligence#healthandwellness#selfhealers#datingadvice#changeyourlife#mentalhealth#personalgrowth#growthmindset#growthquotes#datingtips#psychology#therapy#healingquotes#heal#healfromwithin#love#compassion#wellbeing#wellness#lovingkindness
Dealing with one issue at a time is a very helpful Dealing with one issue at a time is a very helpful boundary especially during arguments. It's common for every grievance between partners to come up when they're angry. The problem with this is that there's no good way to tackle multiple grievances all at once especially when angry, and it can quickly escalate into chaos. Deciding that you'll deal with only the issue at hand gives you the advantage of a greater chance to resolve it, it also helps to prevent the blame game of “You did these 10 other things that also angered me. This is your fault too.”⁠
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#relationships#relationshipadvice#relationshiptips#relationshiprules#relationship101#lovequotes#marriageadvice#loveandmarriage#marriagegoals#emotionalwellbeing#emotionalintelligence#healthandwellness#selfhealers#innerwork#changeyourlife#mentalhealth#personalgrowth#growthmindset#growthquotes#conflictresolution#psychology#therapy#healingquotes#heal#healfromwithin#love#compassion#wellbeing#wellness#lovingkindness
When you reveal everything important about you the When you reveal everything important about you then you automatically give yourself a far higher chance of a healthy relationship where you will be compatible in the long-term. This is both for people dating and for people in established relationships. When you’re completely open in an established relationship it gives your partner the opportunity to help you, which leads to a cycle of generously supporting each other whilst deepening your understanding of one another. You never lose out by communicating exactly who you are and how you feel.⁠
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#relationships#relationshipadvice#relationshiptips#relationshiprules#relationship101#lovequotes#marriageadvice#loveandmarriage#marriagegoals#emotionalwellbeing#emotionalintelligence#healthandwellness#selfhealers#innerwork#changeyourlife#mentalhealth#personalgrowth#growthmindset#growthquotes#quotes4life#psychology#therapy#healingquotes#heal#healfromwithin#love#compassion#wellbeing#wellness#lovingkindness
When you bottle up any problems you are having wit When you bottle up any problems you are having with your partner they will only build and over time they are going to come out, usually in a way that is disproportionate to the problem itself. Whereas if you learn to bring up your problems with your partner’s behaviour as they occur, it stops the problems from building into resentments inside that usually spill out in some form of anger. When the problems are emotionally small you are in a better position to resolve them together.⁠
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#relationships#relationshipadvice#relationshiptips#relationshiprules#relationship101#lovequotes#marriageadvice#loveandmarriage#marriagegoals#emotionalwellbeing#emotionalintelligence#healthandwellness#selfhealers#innerwork#changeyourlife#mentalhealth#personalgrowth#growthmindset#growthquotes#conflictresolution#psychology#therapy#healingquotes#heal#healfromwithin#love#compassion#wellbeing#wellness#lovingkindness
One of the most important things you can learn is One of the most important things you can learn is to say no. The more you say no to other people the more time and the more energy you will have to spend on the things that are most important such as your partner, your family and close friends.⁠
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My favourite polite way to do this is to show regret that you couldn’t do something because your schedule is full:⁠
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“I’d have liked to have helped/visited/gone with you but unfortunately my schedule is full.”⁠
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#relationships#relationshipadvice#relationshiptips#relationshiprules#relationship101#lovequotes#marriageadvice#loveandmarriage#marriagegoals#emotionalwellbeing#emotionalintelligence#healthandwellness#selfhealers#innerwork#changeyourlife#mentalhealth#personalgrowth#growthmindset#growthquotes#quotes4life#psychology#therapy#healingquotes#heal#healfromwithin#love#compassion#wellbeing#wellness#lovingkindness
It's human nature to not act perfectly all of the It's human nature to not act perfectly all of the time. Expecting mistakes and differences of opinion is a healthy way of viewing any relationship you have, of having the compassion to be understanding instead of angry, and to forgive instead of holding a grudge.⁠
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#relationships#relationshipadvice#relationshiptips#relationshiprules#relationship101#lovequotes#marriageadvice#loveandmarriage#marriagegoals#emotionalwellbeing#emotionalintelligence#healthandwellness#selfhealers#innerwork#changeyourlife#mentalhealth#personalgrowth#growthmindset#growthquotes#conflictresolution#psychology#therapy#healingquotes#heal#healfromwithin#love#compassion#wellbeing#wellness#lovingkindness
Often when we’re faced with the suffering of our Often when we’re faced with the suffering of our partners we want to help fix it. But often truly the best solutions to problems come from within. Everyone has their own solutions to their own problems. Yes supporting and being loving, offering help, and giving help when asked are great healthy things to do in any relationship. But you don’t have to fix the situation. Simply being there to support and love and listen to your partner while they work things out for themselves shows that you trust your partner and believe in their ability to be responsible for their life. We all need guidance and support at appropriate times but each person has to make their own choices in life in order to be free and happy. Having healthy boundaries involves recognising that we aren’t responsible for every aspect of our partner’s wellbeing, and that they have the capacity within to choose what they need for themselves.⁠
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How to work with your partner's insecurities: ⁠ How to work with your partner's insecurities: ⁠
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Recognise that they’re feeling insecure:⁠
Look for signs of anger, fear, or jealousy in your partner’s words and body language.⁠
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Offer compassion & reassurance:⁠
Use compassionate and reassuring words as well as hugging or holding hands.⁠
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Communicate well:⁠
Express your emotions and involve your partner in your emotional life so they feel included. Be clear and open about things happening in your life.⁠
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Hold your boundaries:⁠
Your partner feeling insecure isn’t an excuse for them to treat you badly.⁠
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Remember that they have good intentions:⁠
Most insecurity stems from fear; often fear of loss. Your partner cares about you and is more than likely afraid of losing you.⁠
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#relationships#relationshipadvice#relationshiptips#relationshiprules#relationship101#lovequotes#marriageadvice#loveandmarriage#marriagegoals#emotionalwellbeing#emotionalintelligence#healthandwellness#selfhealers#innerwork#changeyourlife#mentalhealth#personalgrowth#growthmindset#growthquotes#conflictresolution#psychology#therapy#healingquotes#heal#healfromwithin#love#compassion#wellbeing#wellness#lovingkindness
How to work with your relationship insecurities:⁠
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1.	Recognise when you’re feeling insecure.⁠
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Look for feelings of fear, anger and jealousy such as muscle tension, irritability, trembling, & increased heartrate. Look for fear-based thoughts such as worrying about being abandoned or cheated on, or worrying about the safety of your partner. ⁠
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2.	Gain perspective:⁠
Challenge & Reframe your thoughts:⁠
Ask yourself: “How realistic is this thought?” “What is a more realistic thought?”⁠
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Reflect on being unable to control anyone’s actions:⁠
We never have full control over the thoughts and actions of anyone other than ourselves.⁠
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Reflect on the love and reliability of your partner:⁠
Remembering how much your partner loves you and the good things they do for you is a quick way to reassure yourself.⁠
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#relationships#relationshipadvice#relationshiptips#relationshiprules#relationship101#lovequotes#marriageadvice#loveandmarriage#marriagegoals#emotionalwellbeing#emotionalintelligence#healthandwellness#selfhealers#innerwork#changeyourlife#mentalhealth#personalgrowth#growthmindset#growthquotes#quotes4life#psychology#therapy#healingquotes#heal#healfromwithin#love#compassion#wellbeing#wellness#lovingkindness
The central pillar of all relationships is safety. The central pillar of all relationships is safety. Both partners have to continually ensure the other’s sense of safety and security in the relationship itself in order for it to stay strong. Some ways to do this include:⁠
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• Being open and honest.⁠
• Being reliable.⁠
• Communicating well.⁠
• Having set times together as a couple.⁠
• Treating each other with respect and love.⁠
• Being generous.⁠
• Showing appreciation for each other.⁠
• Soothing each other.⁠
• Repelling any outside threats (not cheating, defending your partner etc.)⁠
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#relationships#relationshipadvice#relationshiptips#relationshiprules#relationship101#lovequotes#marriageadvice#loveandmarriage#marriagegoals#emotionalwellbeing#emotionalintelligence#healthandwellness#selfhealers#innerwork#changeyourlife#mentalhealth#personalgrowth#growthmindset#growthquotes#quotes4life#psychology#therapy#healingquotes#heal#healfromwithin#love#compassion#wellbeing#wellness#lovingkindness
It can be tricky to bring up something with your p It can be tricky to bring up something with your partner that is bothering you. No one wants to upset their partner and also at the same time it’s necessary to communicate what’s bothering you so that it can be resolved.⁠
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One of my favourite ways of softening telling your partner about something that’s bothering you is to reframe it as asking for support for yourself, instead of criticising your partner. For example: “I need your support to pick up the kids from school more often as I’m incredibly busy at work.” Vs. “You never pick the kids up from school and I’m exhausted from doing it all the time.”⁠
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#relationships#relationshipadvice#relationshiptips#relationshiprules#relationship101#lovequotes#marriageadvice#loveandmarriage#marriagegoals#emotionalwellbeing#emotionalintelligence#healthandwellness#selfhealers#innerwork#changeyourlife#mentalhealth#personalgrowth#growthmindset#growthquotes#conflictresolution#psychology#therapy#healingquotes#heal#healfromwithin#love#compassion#wellbeing#wellness#lovingkindness
The majority of arguments happen when we’re in o The majority of arguments happen when we’re in one or more of these four states: Hungry, angry, lonely, tired. But they can be easy to miss when we’re not paying attention to our bodies. That’s where the HALT acronym can come in useful. ⁠
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When you notice yourself feeling irritable and wanting to snap at your partner it helps to take a pause and to go through the HALT checklist to see if you’re feeling any of the 4 states. If you are then you can start doing self-care to manage them.⁠
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For hunger: Eat a slack or a meal.⁠
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For anger: Take time to rest and distract, or express your anger in a journal, or constructively express it in conversation with your partner.⁠
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For loneliness: Express it to your partner or a friend and connect with them.⁠
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For tiredness: Take a nap or take 10 mins to lay down.⁠
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These are really simple solutions to states that can cause a lot of damage in a relationship. Preventing arguments and causing hurt to your partner is mostly about knowing when you’re not feeling great and then doing self-care actions to help yourself feel better.⁠
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#relationships#relationshipadvice#relationshiptips#relationshiprules#relationship101#lovequotes#marriageadvice#loveandmarriage#marriagegoals#emotionalwellbeing#emotionalintelligence#healthandwellness#selfhealers#innerwork#changeyourlife#mentalhealth#personalgrowth#growthmindset#growthquotes#conflictresolution#psychology#therapy#healingquotes#heal#healfromwithin#love#compassion#wellbeing#wellness#lovingkindness
Maybe you think it’ll never happen, or that true Maybe you think it’ll never happen, or that true love doesn’t exist, but it does. When you think of the amount of people in the world there are thousands of them who you’d be compatible with; you could love, be happy with, and think of as the love of your life. The most important thing to do is to keep searching. If you let cynicism rule and stop searching, then you make it much harder to find what you truly want. True love belongs to those who keep searching, trying, and learning. It’s not easy but it is real.⁠
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#relationships#relationshipadvice#relationshiptips#relationshiprules#relationship101#lovequotes#marriageadvice#loveandmarriage#marriagegoals#emotionalwellbeing#emotionalintelligence#healthandwellness#selfhealers#datingadvice#changeyourlife#mentalhealth#personalgrowth#growthmindset#growthquotes#datingtips#psychology#therapy#healingquotes#heal#healfromwithin#love#compassion#wellbeing#wellness#lovingkindness
Keeping a relationship journal is a great way of r Keeping a relationship journal is a great way of reflecting on your relationship and helping it to grow. You can also use it as a way of building appreciation for your partner by reflecting on what you are grateful for about them. You might want to include the following in your journal:⁠
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• Things you’re grateful for about your partner each day.⁠
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• Things that you’ve learnt e.g. new insights into your partner, new skills you’ve tried out such as reflective listening.⁠
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• Things that could be improved such as when there has been conflict. And reflecting on what you could do better.⁠
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These 4 actions account for the majority of relati These 4 actions account for the majority of relationship problems and breakups. They were originally observed by the relationship psychologist John Gottmann. They are the four actions that I personally always keep in mind with all of my different types of relationships. They apply to romantic relationships and friendships as well as your family relationships.⁠
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The key to relationship harmony is to minimise these actions to the smallest amount possible. Of course no one is perfect and it’s normal to get upset at times. The key is to minimise these behaviours instead of eliminating them.⁠
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#relationships#relationshipadvice#relationshiptips#relationshiprules#relationship101#lovequotes#marriageadvice#loveandmarriage#marriagegoals#emotionalwellbeing#emotionalintelligence#healthandwellness#selfhealers#innerwork#changeyourlife#mentalhealth#personalgrowth#growthmindset#growthquotes#conflictresolution#psychology#therapy#healingquotes#heal#healfromwithin#love#compassion#wellbeing#wellness#lovingkindness
New research suggests that people are far less pic New research suggests that people are far less picky when it comes to choosing a partner than they think they are. Prevention is always better than cure. Once you're in a relationship and it's going badly then pain is inevitable. The single best thing to do to prevent this is to vet a potential partner heavily before you enter into a relationship with them. It's my number one piece of advice for anyone who is single. Making a lot of effort in your partner selection prevents a lot of future pain, yet it’s something that people mostly don’t spend enough effort on.⁠
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#relationships#relationshipadvice#relationshiptips#relationshiprules#relationship101#lovequotes#marriageadvice#loveandmarriage#marriagegoals#emotionalwellbeing#emotionalintelligence#healthandwellness#selfhealers#datingadvice#changeyourlife#mentalhealth#personalgrowth#growthmindset#growthquotes#datingtips#psychology#therapy#healingquotes#heal#healfromwithin#love#compassion#wellbeing#wellness#lovingkindness
Many relationships have one area of difference in Many relationships have one area of difference in opinion between partners that will never be resolved. It might be about politics, or religion, or travel, or how many family events you want to both attend. No matter how big or small the difference in opinion it’s always better to accept it than to wage war over it.⁠
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Accepting that you have a fundamental difference can help you to navigate those differences better, and take any anger out of how you feel about it. When we get out of the anger we often find creative solutions to these differences or at least ways we can help to ease over them when the tensions of those differences rise to the surface. ⁠
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The strongest couples at their core have common va The strongest couples at their core have common values, perspectives and goals. They look out at the world in a similar way. This helps to keep them close even during times of difficulty.⁠
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If I could give you the one best solution for having a loving relationship that lasts a lifetime it’d be to find a partner who shares key goals, perspectives, and values with you.⁠
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When on dates talk about things that really matter to you and ask questions. This way you can really get to see if your date is going to be a compatible long-term partner for you.⁠
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You might both value adventure, you might both value raising a family, you might both love nature, you might both love going to concerts, you might both love hiking, you might both love cooking.⁠
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No two people see the world exactly the same way (that would be boring) but by having key commonalities it will help to bond your relationship well over time.⁠
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