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Simon Samuels | Creating Healthy Relationships
Practical tools and knowledge to help you grow your relationship, live a happier love-filled life, and develop yourself.
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sisamuels

Simon | Relationship Coach
Most of the time people are making decisions throu Most of the time people are making decisions through the lens of their present situation. They're making what we call short-term decisions. The problem with this is that short-term decisions aren’t always the best for yourself, your future, and those around you. Short-term decisions often focus on what immediately feels good, whereas good long-term decisions often don’t feel great in the moment but over time are hugely beneficial.⁠
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The key to making better decisions on your relationship and life is to widen your perspective beyond yourself and into your future by adding more lenses: Present me, Present us, Future me, and Future us.⁠
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Let's take the example of saving money for a new home:⁠
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Present me: Would prefer the new TV.⁠
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Present us: My partner would prefer to save.⁠
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Future me: Would feel happier in the new home that we'd sacrificed to save up for.⁠
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Future us: Would have more living space and therefore feel happier than if we'd spent money on things we didn't really need.⁠
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#relationships#relationshipadvice#relationshiptips#relationshiprules#relationship101#lovequotes#marriageadvice#loveandmarriage#marriagegoals#emotionalwellbeing#emotionalintelligence#healthandwellness#selfhealers#innerwork#changeyourlife#mentalhealth#personalgrowth#growthmindset#growthquotes#decisionmaking#psychology#therapy#psychologyskills#heal#healfromwithin#love#compassion#wellbeing#wellness#lovingkindness
What’s the number one reason why you get snappy What’s the number one reason why you get snappy at your partner and loved ones? The majority of the time it’s tiredness. When you don’t stop to take care of yourself then it builds up and comes out in protest behaviours like snapping at your partner. ⁠
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That’s why I know taking space during the day to rest is vital to having a strong relationship. When you’ve taken that half an hour break, or even a few minutes, you’ll be in a better state. This helps prevent arguments and boosts your ability to show up in a loving present way for your partner during your time together.⁠
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#relationships#relationshipadvice#relationshiptips#relationshiprules#relationship101#lovequotes#marriageadvice#loveandmarriage#marriagegoals#emotionalwellbeing#emotionalintelligence#healthandwellness#selfhealers#innerwork#changeyourlife#mentalhealth#personalgrowth#growthmindset#growthquotes#conflictresolution#psychology#therapy#healingquotes#heal#healfromwithin#love#compassion#wellbeing#wellness#lovingkindness
During this pandemic there’s a great need for co During this pandemic there’s a great need for comfort. For comforting our partners and loved ones, and being comforted. To comfort your partner, or be comforted, is a show of love. All healthy relationships have a lot of acts of comfort in them. It’s taking time to hug and kiss your partner. It’s asking your partner to make your coffee/tea for you. It’s cooking a tasty meal and eating it together. It’s opening up to your partner if you’re upset and having them listen to you.⁠
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All of these acts of love are soothing and comforting. Just as babies need to be soothed often, the same applies to adults but sometimes this can be easy to forget. If ever there was a time for comforting it’s now. The pandemic can be scary and exhausting. Comforting your partner and asking to be comforted is a great way to feel better and to bond together.⁠
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#relationships#relationshipadvice#relationshiptips#relationshiprules#relationship101#lovequotes#marriageadvice#loveandmarriage#marriagegoals#emotionalwellbeing#emotionalintelligence#healthandwellness#selfhealers#innerwork#changeyourlife#mentalhealth#personalgrowth#growthmindset#growthquotes#quotes4life#psychology#therapy#selfcare#heal#healfromwithin#love#compassion#wellbeing#wellness#lovingkindness
Our minds are meaning-making machines; we use stor Our minds are meaning-making machines; we use stories to make sense of the world. The only problem with this is that we can make up stories that aren’t true. We can jump to “He hasn’t messaged me back, he mustn’t care about me” or “She is quiet tonight I must have upset her somehow.” Without actually checking if we’re right. He might be in a really important meeting and she might just be tired from working all day and doesn’t have the energy to talk. ⁠
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The first story we make up about any situation can be really wrong unless we fact check it. Everyone has done this before and it’s the cause of a lot of needless stress. If you find yourself creating a story in your mind that’s upsetting you then:⁠
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1. Fact check it e.g. communicating, asking how your partner is, discussing how you feel.⁠
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2. Or reframe it e.g. questioning whether your story is valid or not, readjusting to a more balanced perspective.⁠
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#relationships#relationshipadvice#relationshiptips#relationshiprules#relationship101#lovequotes#marriageadvice#loveandmarriage#marriagegoals#emotionalwellbeing#emotionalintelligence#healthandwellness#selfhealers#innerwork#changeyourlife#mentalhealth#personalgrowth#growthmindset#growthquotes#conflictresolution#psychology#therapy#healingquotes#heal#healfromwithin#love#compassion#wellbeing#wellness#lovingkindness
It has finally happened I am showing you one of Br It has finally happened I am showing you one of Brene Brown’s acronyms for how trust is built in relationships. The essence of trust in a relationship is essentially treating each other in a loving, respectful and reliable way. This can be broken down into the following 7 factors:⁠
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Boundaries: Both partners are clear about their boundaries and respect each other’s boundaries.⁠
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Reliability: Both partners follow through on the things they say they’ll do.⁠
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Accountability: When you make a mistake you take responsibility for it and take actions to make amends. You let your partner take responsibility for their mistakes and make amends with you.⁠
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Vault: You keep your partner’s private life to yourself and don’t share anything they’re told you in confidence. Your partner also keeps your private life to themselves.⁠
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Integrity: You and your partner act according to what’s right, moralistic, and uphold your values.⁠
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Non-judgement: You don’t judge your partner when they are struggling and they can come to you for help. Likewise your partner doesn’t judge you when you need support and you can go to them for it.⁠
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Generosity: You both are generous in your views of each other and assume the best in each other’s words and actions.⁠
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#relationships#relationshipadvice#relationshiptips#relationshiprules#relationship101#lovequotes#marriageadvice#loveandmarriage#marriagegoals#emotionalwellbeing#emotionalintelligence#healthandwellness#selfhealers#brenebrown#changeyourlife#mentalhealth#trust#growthmindset#growthquotes#quotes4life#psychology#therapy#healingquotes#heal#healfromwithin#love#compassion#wellbeing#wellness#lovingkindness
One of the most valuable things in any relationshi One of the most valuable things in any relationship is controlling yourself when you feel angry, upset, or hurt. These are the times when being able to reign in your emotions can save you doing harm to your relationship.⁠
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It’s taking that deep breath right when you feel deep anger at your partner and want to say something upsetting.⁠
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It’s trying to empathise with your partner and cutting them some slack when they’ve messed up or aren’t feeling great.⁠
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It’s taking time to think of how what you want to say will impact your partner before you actually say it.⁠
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#relationships#relationshipadvice#relationshiptips#relationshiprules#relationship101#lovequotes#marriageadvice#loveandmarriage#marriagegoals#emotionalwellbeing#emotionalintelligence#healthandwellness#selfhealers#innerwork#changeyourlife#mentalhealth#personalgrowth#growthmindset#growthquotes#conflictresolution#psychology#therapy#healingquotes#heal#healfromwithin#love#compassion#wellbeing#wellness#lovingkindness
I'm very busy and taking a break from social media I'm very busy and taking a break from social media for at least a month or more (no posting, liking, etc. And if you need to reach me please message via my website as I won't be checking social media at all.) I hope you are all staying safe and having a good start to the year! 😊
Merry Christmas everyone I hope you have a great d Merry Christmas everyone I hope you have a great day and a Happy New Year!⁠
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#relationships#relationshipadvice#relationshiptips#relationshiprules#relationship101#lovequotes#marriageadvice#loveandmarriage#marriagegoals#emotionalwellbeing#emotionalintelligence#healthandwellness#selfhealers#innerwork#changeyourlife#mentalhealth#personalgrowth#growthmindset#growthquotes#quotes4life#psychology#therapy#healingquotes#heal#healfromwithin#love#compassion#wellbeing#wellness#lovingkindness
Global pandemic + Christmas calls for self-care ac Global pandemic + Christmas calls for self-care activities. Here’s some of the best to help you through this crazy time: ⁠
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1. Boundaries.⁠
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2. Reframing: Reframe painful/unhelpful thoughts into more helpful ones.⁠
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3. Social connection.⁠
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4. Creating.⁠
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5. Rest.⁠
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6. Yoga/Meditation.⁠
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7. Play/Laughter/Fun.⁠
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8. Planning/Scheduling/Routine.⁠
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9. Food.⁠
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10. Nature.⁠
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11. Dance/Exercise.⁠
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12. Doing things you love.⁠
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13. Clean & tidy space.⁠
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14. Beauty: Enjoy the beautiful things, flowers, sunsets, good food etc.⁠
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15. Smiling faces: Research suggests that if you look at photos or videos of smiling people for 5-10 mins a day it improves happiness levels.⁠
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16. Variety: Having new things to do helps prevent boredom and keeps you motivated.⁠
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17. Learning.⁠
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18. Celebrate accomplishments: Celebrating helps keep you motivated.⁠
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19. Hygge/Being cosy: Wear your cosy clothes, blanket up and get in front of the fire.⁠
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20. Sex.⁠
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21. Meaningful work/activities.⁠
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22. Music.⁠
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#relationships#relationshipadvice#relationshiptips#relationshiprules#relationship101#lovequotes#marriageadvice#loveandmarriage#marriagegoals#emotionalwellbeing#emotionalintelligence#healthandwellness#selfhealers#innerwork#changeyourlife#mentalhealth#personalgrowth#growthmindset#growthquotes#quotes4life#psychology#therapy#healingquotes#heal#healfromwithin#love#compassion#wellbeing#wellness#lovingkindness
The holidays can be a draining time when interacti The holidays can be a draining time when interacting with your partner and your family and your friends. That’s why I’m going to repeat one of the most vital parts of boundaries: The time limit. ⁠
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Setting time limits for interacting with your loved ones over the holidays is your tool for sanity and health.⁠
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For your more draining family/friends set shorter time limits to interact with them.⁠
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As a rule of thumb if you’re spending more time interacting with people than taking care of yourself then the balance isn’t healthy.⁠
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#relationships#relationshipadvice#relationshiptips#relationshiprules#relationship101#lovequotes#marriageadvice#loveandmarriage#marriagegoals#emotionalwellbeing#emotionalintelligence#healthandwellness#selfhealers#innerwork#changeyourlife#mentalhealth#personalgrowth#growthmindset#growthquotes#boundaries#psychology#therapy#healingquotes#heal#healfromwithin#love#compassion#wellbeing#wellness#lovingkindness
Resentment is a really common feeling in relations Resentment is a really common feeling in relationships especially during times of stress like a global pandemic. The resentment might be over money, time, childcare, household chores, or any number of things. These are the three steps I recommend if you’re dealing with resentment.⁠
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1. Boundaries: Boundaries should be the number one thing you look at. If your partner is not supporting you enough with childcare or household chores then setting new boundaries around these things will have the most impact on reducing your feeling of resentment⁠.
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2. Problem solving: If you’re unable to place new boundaries maybe as you are financially supporting your family, then it’s time to try some problem solving. Take a piece of paper and put your main resentment/problem in the centre then write as many potential solutions to the problem as possible no matter how wacky. Once you’ve written as many as you can circle the top 5 that you think have the most potential to solve the problem. Once you have 5 potential solutions you can try them out or choose the one you think would work best.⁠
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3. Acceptance: Sometimes a resentment might be over a problem that isn’t immediately solvable. Acceptance can take the form of recognising this is how things are right now but that they will change over time. It might also take the form of making a long-term plan so that you know what you are going to do in the future to solve whatever is causing your feeling of resentment (even though right now you know you cannot immediately solve the problem.)⁠
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#relationships#relationshipadvice#relationshiptips#relationshiprules#relationship101#lovequotes#marriageadvice#loveandmarriage#marriagegoals#emotionalwellbeing#emotionalintelligence#healthandwellness#selfhealers#innerwork#changeyourlife#mentalhealth#personalgrowth#growthmindset#growthquotes#conflictresolution#psychology#therapy#healingquotes#heal#healfromwithin#love#compassion#wellbeing#wellness#lovingkindness
For boundaries involving actions you do want to ta For boundaries involving actions you do want to take it’s helpful to communicate a time limit. That way whoever you’re taking an action for will be clear on how much of your time you will be giving. If you’re going to a party say in advance you have 2 hours then you need to go. If you’re helping a family member do the same, tell them you only have a set amount of time, then stick to what you said and leave once that time has passed. Following through with a boundary is the most important part. If you say you only have 30 mins to help then it’s important to follow through and leave once those 30 minutes are up.⁠
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For boundaries involving actions that you don’t want others to take towards you, you need to set a boundary then a consequence and follow through with it if the other person breaks your boundary. For example: If you swear at me I will leave the conversation. Then if the other person swears at you, you need to act on the consequence and leave the conversation. This is a vital action for making sure others know you won’t tolerate any abusive or destructive behaviour towards you.⁠
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#relationships#relationshipadvice#relationshiptips#relationshiprules#relationship101#lovequotes#marriageadvice#loveandmarriage#marriagegoals#emotionalwellbeing#emotionalintelligence#healthandwellness#selfhealers#innerwork#changeyourlife#mentalhealth#personalgrowth#growthmindset#growthquotes#boundaries#psychology#therapy#healingquotes#heal#healfromwithin#love#compassion#wellbeing#wellness#lovingkindness
Boundaries in a relationship refer to how much of Boundaries in a relationship refer to how much of ourselves we are willing and able to give in any situation involving another, as well as the behaviours we will accept from others towards us. Boundaries are the conscious decisions and actions we take to keep a healthy level of energy and wellness around others.⁠
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Boundaries stop us from overextending ourselves both physically and emotionally. A big reason why people’s wellbeing and mood are impacted is that their boundaries are slack. They aren’t spending enough time being able to rest and do things to keep themselves happy because they are giving too much time to work, other causes, friends, or family members.⁠
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Healthy boundaries keep relationships alive and help them thrive. A lack of healthy boundaries will kill any relationship no matter how much you love each other. Setting boundaries and being respectful of them ensures that you have the energy and resources to thrive both as individuals and therefore as a couple.⁠
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The key to healthy boundaries is learning to say no to the things that are taking too much physical or emotional energy, and learning to say yes to the things that help you to raise your energy and wellbeing. For example saying no to going out after work with friends when you are exhausted, and yes to taking a long bath and watching a movie in bed instead.⁠
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#relationships#relationshipadvice#relationshiptips#relationshiprules#relationship101#lovequotes#marriageadvice#loveandmarriage#marriagegoals#emotionalwellbeing#emotionalintelligence#healthandwellness#selfhealers#innerwork#changeyourlife#mentalhealth#personalgrowth#growthmindset#growthquotes#quotes4life#psychology#therapy#boundaries#heal#healfromwithin#love#compassion#wellbeing#wellness#lovingkindness
When it comes to relationships people like to say When it comes to relationships people like to say some things online that are at their best wrong, and at their worst are potentially destructive. The classic example is that you “can’t love or be loved until you do x, y, or z…” It’s complete nonsense and for a person with self-esteem issues that’s a destructive thing to say and plain wrong yet I see many people repeating it online.⁠
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Here’s another repeat offender: Your relationship problems are all down to your childhood.⁠
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Does your childhood affect your adult relationships? The answer is it can in some ways but the most important thing are the choices you make right now as an adult. Attachment styles can be changed through your own choices. Trauma can be healed with help. Learning about relationships is something anyone can choose to do. Relationship problems are never due to only one cause and anyone who says they are is lying.⁠
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And now for the final word we have the truly awful term “codependent.” This is one of those terms that originated in the world of psychology to categorise people who were having attachment issues then got co-opted by every relationship therapist on the internet. The word itself just feels derogatory now and potentially shaming because of how people have used it. All it really comes down to is the normal human need for a person to get their needs met but doing so in a way that isn’t fully healthy for themselves and others. At heart we’re all “codependent” we all need each other to survive and we all have needs that need to be met at times and we all need to meet other people’s needs at times too. Let’s try and replace this awful word with the more kind perspective of talking about healthy boundaries instead.⁠
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#relationships#relationshipadvice#relationshiptips#relationshiprules#relationship101#lovequotes#marriageadvice#loveandmarriage#marriagegoals#emotionalwellbeing#emotionalintelligence#healthandwellness#selfhealers#innerwork#changeyourlife#mentalhealth#personalgrowth#growthmindset#growthquotes#quotes4life#psychology#therapy#healingquotes#heal#healfromwithin#love#compassion#wellbeing#wellness#lovingkindness
If your heart is broken today or someone you know' If your heart is broken today or someone you know's heart is breaking then I want you to know you're not alone. If you don't have the love you need and your heart is breaking I hope you're able to find a part of yourself within to give you part of the love you need. And if someone you love is hurting I hope you can love them strongly and be the love they need.⁠
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I don't know why life can be so painful but I think love is the only thing that gets us by and makes us strong or at least able to hold on. ⁠
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This year broke my heart too.⁠
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#relationships#relationshipadvice#relationshiptips#relationshiprules#relationship101#lovequotes#marriageadvice#loveandmarriage#marriagegoals#emotionalwellbeing#emotionalintelligence#healthandwellness#selfhealers#innerwork#changeyourlife#mentalhealth#personalgrowth#growthmindset#growthquotes#quotes4life#psychology#therapy#healingquotes#heal#healfromwithin#love#compassion#wellbeing#wellness#lovingkindness
Love can be a healing force when we choose the rig Love can be a healing force when we choose the right partner and learn the skills involved in having a healthy relationship such as: communication, empathy, self-care, compromise, and forgiveness.⁠
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Embracing a love that heals involves choosing a partner who is capable of love. Then doing the work together to make your relationship work well for you both.⁠
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If you have a history of bad past relationships you’re not doomed, you just need the right partner for you and the right skills.⁠
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#relationships#relationshipadvice#relationshiptips#relationshiprules#relationship101#lovequotes#marriageadvice#loveandmarriage#marriagegoals#emotionalwellbeing#emotionalintelligence#healthandwellness#selfhealers#innerwork#changeyourlife#mentalhealth#personalgrowth#growthmindset#growthquotes#quotes4life#psychology#therapy#healingquotes#heal#healfromwithin#love#compassion#wellbeing#wellness#lovingkindness
Some of the latest research says that physical tou Some of the latest research says that physical touch is the best way to soothe your partner when they feel jealous. Holding your partner is a great way to reassure them when they feel insecure or upset in general. It should be one of the first tools you use with your partner when they need reassurance and support.⁠
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It also helps not to judge your partner for feeling jealous. Everyone has moments of jealousy at times. As long as they are expressing their jealousy in a healthy way it isn’t a bad thing. Jealousy can actually be a good thing at times as it shows you how much your partner cares for you.⁠
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#relationships#relationshipadvice#relationshiptips#relationshiprules#relationship101#lovequotes#marriageadvice#loveandmarriage#marriagegoals#emotionalwellbeing#emotionalintelligence#healthandwellness#selfhealers#innerwork#changeyourlife#mentalhealth#personalgrowth#growthmindset#growthquotes#jealousy#psychology#therapy#healingquotes#heal#healfromwithin#love#compassion#wellbeing#wellness#lovingkindness
Compassion fatigue usually happens when you’re e Compassion fatigue usually happens when you’re exhausted. You start losing empathy for your partner and start feeling apathy towards them, which can build into anger.⁠
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When you feel this way the key to feeling better is to double down on self-care and your boundaries.⁠
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It’s re-evaluating your time and energy and who is taking it up. It’s making sure the people around you are supporting you enough and saying no to the commitments that are draining you. It’s taking time to eat well, sleep well, exercise, rest, and have enough fun times in your life. When you double down on boundaries and self-care then compassion fatigue will usually disappear.⁠
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#relationships#relationshipadvice#relationshiptips#relationshiprules#relationship101#lovequotes#marriageadvice#loveandmarriage#marriagegoals#emotionalwellbeing#emotionalintelligence#healthandwellness#selfhealers#innerwork#changeyourlife#mentalhealth#personalgrowth#growthmindset#growthquotes#quotes4life#psychology#therapy#healingquotes#heal#healfromwithin#love#compassion#wellbeing#wellness#lovingkindness
I know that I’m not usually a morning person and I know that I’m not usually a morning person and I feel at my best from the afternoon onwards. That’s why I never usually have important conversations with my partner in the morning. When we’re not at our best it can make it harder to control our emotions.⁠
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Being aware of when you’re not at your best helps you to prevent arguments. Most of the time arguments happen when one or both partners aren’t feeling at their best.⁠
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If you need to have an important conversation with your partner try to leave it until you feel good and your partner is in a good mood too. Keeping a journal to track your mood can be a good way to see when you feel your best during the day.⁠
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#relationships#relationshipadvice#relationshiptips#relationshiprules#relationship101#lovequotes#marriageadvice#loveandmarriage#marriagegoals#emotionalwellbeing#emotionalintelligence#healthandwellness#selfhealers#innerwork#changeyourlife#mentalhealth#personalgrowth#growthmindset#growthquotes#conflictresolution#psychology#therapy#healingquotes#heal#healfromwithin#love#compassion#wellbeing#wellness#lovingkindness
At its core a healthy relationship is two people w At its core a healthy relationship is two people who are both growing for themselves and for their partner, and in doing so creating a relationship that is strong, secure, caring, giving, and loving. A relationship where you lose a core part of yourself isn’t a healthy relationship. Instead a healthy relationship is a place where you become more of yourself and your partner becomes more of themselves too.⁠
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Don’t forget to pursue what you love while being in love. It’s for the benefit of yourself and your relationship.⁠
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#relationships#relationshipadvice#relationshiptips#relationshiprules#relationship101#lovequotes#marriageadvice#loveandmarriage#marriagegoals#emotionalwellbeing#emotionalintelligence#healthandwellness#selfhealers#innerwork#changeyourlife#mentalhealth#personalgrowth#growthmindset#growthquotes#quotes4life#psychology#therapy#healingquotes#heal#healfromwithin#love#compassion#wellbeing#wellness#lovingkindness
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