Skip to content
Simon Samuels | Creating Healthy Relationships
Practical tools and knowledge to help you grow your relationship, live a happier love-filled life, and develop yourself.
  • Home
  • About
  • Posts
  • Articles
  • Book
  • Resources
  • Instagram
  • Contact

Instagram

sisamuels

Simon | Relationship Coach
Asking “is this useful?” is one of my favourit Asking “is this useful?” is one of my favourite quick ways of interrupting any unhelpful thoughts and emotions. It's inevitable that by being in a relationship our partners will trigger painful thoughts and emotions in us at times. When you notice you are reacting to your partner asking yourself “Is this useful?” is often enough to start defusing and reframing how you are feeling. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ #relationships#relationshipadvice#relationshiptips#relationshiprules#relationship101#lovequotes#marriageadvice#loveandmarriage#marriagegoals#emotionalwellbeing#emotionalintelligence#healthandwellness#selfawareness#innerwork#changeyourlife#mentalhealth#personalgrowth#growthmindset#growthquotes#quotes4life#psychology#healingvibes#healingquotes#heal#healfromwithin#love#compassion#wellbeing#wellness#lovingkindness
It’s very easy to fall in love. Love tricks us i It’s very easy to fall in love. Love tricks us into getting attached to one person, it’s a brilliant yet potentially damaging aspect of love. The surprising thing is that most people don’t think of the fact that there are many many people out there that they can fall in love with. The important part of finding love is to have the control and motivation to look for the right person to fall in love with. When we can understand how love and attachment works we can use this knowledge to act in our own best interests. When you think you have found the right person for you, take time to slowly reflect on your decision by asking yourself: “Do they have the right personality traits that will make them a good partner?” “Can they meet my needs?” (be specific here about your needs.) ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ #relationships#relationshipadvice#relationshiptips#relationshiprules#relationship101#lovequotes#marriageadvice#loveandmarriage#marriagegoals#emotionalwellbeing#emotionalintelligence#healthandwellness#selfawareness#innerwork#changeyourlife#mentalhealth#personalgrowth#growthmindset#growthquotes#dating#psychology#healingvibes#healingquotes#heal#healfromwithin#love#datingtips#wellbeing#wellness#datingadvice
Some reflections to strengthen your relationship: Some reflections to strengthen your relationship: What would you like more of in your relationship? What would you like less of in your relationship? What would your partner like more of in your relationship? #relationships#relationshipadvice#relationshiptips#relationshiprules#relationship101#lovequotes#marriageadvice#loveandmarriage#marriagegoals
At times relationships can be incredibly boring. T At times relationships can be incredibly boring. That’s why I always advocate planning, spontaneity, and not waiting for your partner to take the initiative but instead taking the initiative yourself to kick off some fun.​​​​​​​​ ​​​​​​​​ The feeling of boredom might also be a sign that you just need some time to yourself to pursue your own hobbies and interests.​​​​​​​​ ​​​​​​​​ ​​​​​​​​ ​​​​​​​​ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀​​​​​​​​ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀​​​​​​​​ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀​​​​​​​​ #relationships#relationshipadvice#relationshiptips#relationshiprules#relationship101#lovequotes#marriageadvice#loveandmarriage#marriagegoals#emotionalwellbeing#emotionalintelligence#healthandwellness#selfawareness#innerwork#changeyourlife#mentalhealth#personalgrowth#growthmindset#growthquotes#quotes4life#psychology#healingvibes#healingquotes#heal#healfromwithin#love#compassion#wellbeing#wellness#lovingkindness
When you’ve been brought up in a neglectful and/ When you’ve been brought up in a neglectful and/or abusive environment some neglectful and abusive behaviours might become normalised for you. So when entering relationships you end up thinking that abusive behaviours, and not having your needs met, are normal things when they absolutely aren’t.​​​​​​​​ ​​​​​​​​ Your partner not wanting to meet your needs isn’t normal. Neither is your partner causing you physical or emotional harm.​​​​​​​​ ​​​​​​​​ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀​​​​​​​​ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀​​​​​​​​ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀​​​​​​​​ #relationships#relationshipadvice#relationshiptips#relationshiprules#relationship101#lovequotes#marriageadvice#loveandmarriage#marriagegoals#emotionalwellbeing#emotionalintelligence#healthandwellness#selfawareness#innerwork#changeyourlife#mentalhealth#personalgrowth#growthmindset#growthquotes#quotes4life#psychology#healingvibes#healingquotes#heal#healfromwithin#love#compassion#wellbeing#wellness#lovingkindness
Sometimes what you’re drawn to in a partner is f Sometimes what you’re drawn to in a partner is familiarity with your own family. This is good if you have a healthy family but if your family are abusive this is a really bad thing. If you find yourself drawn to abusive partners it’s worth asking if it’s because they are behaving in the same way that your family do. What you should be looking out for in a future partner is safety. Do you feel at ease around them? Are they treating you with kindness? Are they consistently reliable? These are some ways of figuring out if your potential future partner is safe for you or not. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ #relationships#relationshipadvice#relationshiptips#relationshiprules#relationship101#lovequotes#marriageadvice#loveandmarriage#marriagegoals#emotionalwellbeing#emotionalintelligence#healthandwellness#selfawareness#innerwork#changeyourlife#mentalhealth#personalgrowth#growthmindset#growthquotes#quotes4life#psychology#healingvibes#healingquotes#heal#healfromwithin#love#compassion#wellbeing#wellness#lovingkindness
Most conflict in relationships comes from one part Most conflict in relationships comes from one partner wanting the other partner to see and do things their way, instead of trying to understand the perspective of the other partner. One partner might love many long holidays, whereas the other partner might find them boring and prefer short holidays. Each perspective is right for each partner, we can’t say either are wrong, and yet a situation like this is a common cause of conflicts. We can embrace multiple perspectives by using: Acceptance / Empathy Empathy and acceptance are the best tools for working with multiple perspectives. By empathising with your partner you can try to see things from their perspective and then come to an acceptance of it. This might look like embracing their perspective, or it might look like holding the acceptance that you are both different and that each perspective is right for each partner. Compromise Compromise is another good way of working with multiple perspectives. It involves empathising with your partner’s perspective and then trying to find a solution that is a compromise between your needs and theirs. If we take the previous example of a couple who like different types of holidays, a good compromise might be for them to have one long holiday a year and shorter holidays in between. This way both partners get a bit of what they want. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ #relationships#relationshipadvice#relationshiptips#relationshiprules#relationship101#lovequotes#marriageadvice#loveandmarriage#marriagegoals#emotionalwellbeing#emotionalintelligence#healthandwellness#selfawareness#innerwork#changeyourlife#mentalhealth#personalgrowth#growthmindset#growthquotes#quotes4life#psychology#healingvibes#healingquotes#heal#healfromwithin#love#compassion#wellbeing#wellness#lovingkindness
The traffic test is a great way to judge who is co The traffic test is a great way to judge who is compatible with you. It goes like this: Imagine you were in a car with this person. Do you wish there was extra traffic just so you could spend more time talking with them? This is a really useful tool for using when you’ve had many dates with different people and are trying to narrow down who you’d like to see again. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ #relationships#relationshipadvice#relationshiptips#relationshiprules#relationship101#lovequotes#marriageadvice#loveandmarriage#marriagegoals#emotionalwellbeing#datingtips#healthandwellness#selfawareness#innerwork#changeyourlife#mentalhealth#personalgrowth#growthmindset#growthquotes#quotes4life#psychology#healingvibes#healingquotes#heal#healfromwithin#love#compassion#wellbeing#wellness#lovingkindness
Most breakups aren’t an instantaneous thing; the Most breakups aren’t an instantaneous thing; they’ve been growing steadily over a period of time until eventually one or both partners has had enough. If you keep wanting to break up with a partner but can’t follow through with it, this is a completely normal part of the process. It can take a while to be in the right place emotionally or practically to follow through with what you want to do. It’s completely normal to be afraid of the pain that a breakup will cause and of being on your own. Breakups are hard no matter what. Something I recommend for anyone who is going through a breakup is to focus on the worst parts of the relationship whenever you start feeling upset. Remembering why you are doing this will help you to go through the grieving process that happens once the relationship ends. It’s a reminder of all the bad things about your ex partner and why you are better off out of the relationship. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ #relationships#relationshipadvice#relationshiptips#relationshiprules#relationship101#lovequotes#marriageadvice#loveandmarriage#marriagegoals#emotionalwellbeing#emotionalintelligence#healthandwellness#selfawareness#innerwork#changeyourlife#mentalhealth#personalgrowth#growthmindset#growthquotes#quotes4life#psychology#healingvibes#healingquotes#heal#healfromwithin#love#compassion#wellbeing#wellness#breakup
The most important component of any healthy long-t The most important component of any healthy long-term relationship are the character traits of your partner. You could learn every relationship skill in the world and still have a horrible relationship if you didn’t choose a good partner who meets your needs well. It seems obvious but unfortunately this is the most common reality for many people; they don’t spend enough time on selecting a partner and end up settling for someone not right for them. Selecting the right partner for you is one of the most important parts of any life. Choose wisely and don’t rush. Go on many dates and don’t settle. Be objective and evaluate the traits of potential future partners. Also, listen to what your family and friends think about a potential future partner as often they have better objectivity and can see things that you may have overlooked. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ #relationships#relationshipadvice#relationshiptips#relationshiprules#relationship101#lovequotes#marriageadvice#loveandmarriage#marriagegoals#emotionalwellbeing#emotionalintelligence#healthandwellness#selfawareness#innerwork#changeyourlife#mentalhealth#personalgrowth#growthmindset#growthquotes#quotes4life#psychology#healingvibes#healingquotes#heal#healfromwithin#love#compassion#wellbeing#wellness#lovingkindness
One of the best indicators to whether a date is a One of the best indicators to whether a date is a good prospect for a long-term partner is how they make you feel emotionally and physically. Do they make your body loosen up? Do they make you smile? Do they put you at ease? Or do you tense up around them? Do they make you close down and get guarded? Do you feel uncomfortable around them? A good partner is a partner who will help regulate your emotions over the long-term, not one who will stress you out and dysregulate your emotions. Be aware of how your body feels when around a date: It will tell you what you need to know. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ #relationships#relationshipadvice#relationshiptips#relationshiprules#relationship101#lovequotes#marriageadvice#loveandmarriage#marriagegoals#emotionalwellbeing#emotionalintelligence#healthandwellness#selfawareness#innerwork#changeyourlife#mentalhealth#personalgrowth#growthmindset#growthquotes#quotes4life#psychology#datingadvice#healingquotes#heal#healfromwithin#love#compassion#wellbeing#wellness#lovingkindness
Something important to keep in mind when dating is Something important to keep in mind when dating is that the attractiveness of a date often influences the way you perceive their personality and other attributes to make them seem more positive than they are in reality. Their attractiveness literally influences how you perceive their other qualities as a person. So the more attractive a date the more likely you are to think of them as a kind and good person, even when objectively they might not be.​​​​​​​​ ​​​​​​​​ To work with this bias, try to remind yourself that attractiveness will be influencing you when you are going on a date with someone you find very attractive. Then try to focus on their behaviour to notice if they are truly behaving as good as you think they are. Also, notice their words and see if what they are saying matches your perception of them. If you start noticing that your perception of them and their behaviour doesn’t match up, then more likely than not their attractiveness is influencing you and you should be careful before proceeding.​​​​​​​​ ​​​​​​​​ It’s also helpful to know that the attractiveness of a partner doesn’t increase long-term relationship satisfaction. It can actually have the opposite effect if you are influenced into choosing an attractive but unkind partner.​​​​​​​​ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀​​​​​​​​ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀​​​​​​​​ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀​​​​​​​​ #relationships#relationshipadvice#relationshiptips#relationshiprules#relationship101#lovequotes#marriageadvice#loveandmarriage#marriagegoals#emotionalwellbeing#emotionalintelligence#healthandwellness#selfhealers#innerwork#changeyourlife#mentalhealth#personalgrowth#growthmindset#growthquotes#quotes4life#psychology#therapy#healingquotes#heal#healfromwithin#love#compassion#wellbeing#wellness#dating
Soothing your partner is a crucial part of any rel Soothing your partner is a crucial part of any relationship. Most importantly you need to learn how best to soothe your partner as each person is different and likes soothed in different ways. Some people will want to be hugged while others won’t and will prefer to be left alone. Here are some things you can try:​​​​​​​​ ​​​​​​​​ Compassionate talk: I’m so sorry you’re going through this. What do you need right now?​​​​​​​​ ​​​​​​​​ Physical touch: Hugging, holding hands, massage, stroking skin.​​​​​​​​ ​​​​​​​​ Meeting their needs: Offering to make food, a warm drink, to run a bath etc. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀​​​​​​​​ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀​​​​​​​​ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀​​​​​​​​ #relationships#relationshipadvice#relationshiptips#relationshiprules#relationship101#lovequotes#marriageadvice#loveandmarriage#marriagegoals#emotionalwellbeing#emotionalintelligence#healthandwellness#selfhealers#innerwork#changeyourlife#mentalhealth#personalgrowth#growthmindset#growthquotes#quotes4life#psychology#therapy#healingquotes#heal#healfromwithin#love#compassion#wellbeing#wellness#lovingkindness
Anyone who has been with a bad partner in the past Anyone who has been with a bad partner in the past might have had their self-esteem affected. These are some important things to remember for the future:​​​​​​​​ ​​​​​​​​ • A bad relationship can make you lose sense of your innate value and start to doubt other’s ability to love you. Just because one person didn’t appreciate you doesn’t mean others won’t.​​​​​​​​ • Everyone has good parts of themselves that a good partner will appreciate.​​​​​​​​ • Your perceived flaws aren’t seen the same way by others as they are by you.​​​​​​​​ • You are valuable as you are unique: No one else is like you or has the exact same qualities that you do.​​​​​​​​ • When someone loves you they love you as you are.​​​​​​​​ • There are many people out there who will love you just for being you.​​​​​​​​ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀​​​​​​​​ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀​​​​​​​​ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀​​​​​​​​ #relationships#relationshipadvice#relationshiptips#relationshiprules#relationship101#lovequotes#marriageadvice#loveandmarriage#marriagegoals#emotionalwellbeing#emotionalintelligence#healthandwellness#selfhealers#datingadvice#changeyourlife#mentalhealth#personalgrowth#growthmindset#growthquotes#datingtips#psychology#therapy#healingquotes#heal#healfromwithin#love#compassion#wellbeing#wellness#lovingkindness
Dealing with one issue at a time is a very helpful Dealing with one issue at a time is a very helpful boundary especially during arguments. It's common for every grievance between partners to come up when they're angry. The problem with this is that there's no good way to tackle multiple grievances all at once especially when angry, and it can quickly escalate into chaos. Deciding that you'll deal with only the issue at hand gives you the advantage of a greater chance to resolve it, it also helps to prevent the blame game of “You did these 10 other things that also angered me. This is your fault too.”⁠ ⁠ ⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ #relationships#relationshipadvice#relationshiptips#relationshiprules#relationship101#lovequotes#marriageadvice#loveandmarriage#marriagegoals#emotionalwellbeing#emotionalintelligence#healthandwellness#selfhealers#innerwork#changeyourlife#mentalhealth#personalgrowth#growthmindset#growthquotes#conflictresolution#psychology#therapy#healingquotes#heal#healfromwithin#love#compassion#wellbeing#wellness#lovingkindness
When you reveal everything important about you the When you reveal everything important about you then you automatically give yourself a far higher chance of a healthy relationship where you will be compatible in the long-term. This is both for people dating and for people in established relationships. When you’re completely open in an established relationship it gives your partner the opportunity to help you, which leads to a cycle of generously supporting each other whilst deepening your understanding of one another. You never lose out by communicating exactly who you are and how you feel.⁠ ⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ #relationships#relationshipadvice#relationshiptips#relationshiprules#relationship101#lovequotes#marriageadvice#loveandmarriage#marriagegoals#emotionalwellbeing#emotionalintelligence#healthandwellness#selfhealers#innerwork#changeyourlife#mentalhealth#personalgrowth#growthmindset#growthquotes#quotes4life#psychology#therapy#healingquotes#heal#healfromwithin#love#compassion#wellbeing#wellness#lovingkindness
When you bottle up any problems you are having wit When you bottle up any problems you are having with your partner they will only build and over time they are going to come out, usually in a way that is disproportionate to the problem itself. Whereas if you learn to bring up your problems with your partner’s behaviour as they occur, it stops the problems from building into resentments inside that usually spill out in some form of anger. When the problems are emotionally small you are in a better position to resolve them together.⁠ ⁠ ⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ #relationships#relationshipadvice#relationshiptips#relationshiprules#relationship101#lovequotes#marriageadvice#loveandmarriage#marriagegoals#emotionalwellbeing#emotionalintelligence#healthandwellness#selfhealers#innerwork#changeyourlife#mentalhealth#personalgrowth#growthmindset#growthquotes#conflictresolution#psychology#therapy#healingquotes#heal#healfromwithin#love#compassion#wellbeing#wellness#lovingkindness
One of the most important things you can learn is One of the most important things you can learn is to say no. The more you say no to other people the more time and the more energy you will have to spend on the things that are most important such as your partner, your family and close friends.⁠ ⁠ My favourite polite way to do this is to show regret that you couldn’t do something because your schedule is full:⁠ ⁠ “I’d have liked to have helped/visited/gone with you but unfortunately my schedule is full.”⁠ ⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ #relationships#relationshipadvice#relationshiptips#relationshiprules#relationship101#lovequotes#marriageadvice#loveandmarriage#marriagegoals#emotionalwellbeing#emotionalintelligence#healthandwellness#selfhealers#innerwork#changeyourlife#mentalhealth#personalgrowth#growthmindset#growthquotes#quotes4life#psychology#therapy#healingquotes#heal#healfromwithin#love#compassion#wellbeing#wellness#lovingkindness
It's human nature to not act perfectly all of the It's human nature to not act perfectly all of the time. Expecting mistakes and differences of opinion is a healthy way of viewing any relationship you have, of having the compassion to be understanding instead of angry, and to forgive instead of holding a grudge.⁠ ⁠ ⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ #relationships#relationshipadvice#relationshiptips#relationshiprules#relationship101#lovequotes#marriageadvice#loveandmarriage#marriagegoals#emotionalwellbeing#emotionalintelligence#healthandwellness#selfhealers#innerwork#changeyourlife#mentalhealth#personalgrowth#growthmindset#growthquotes#conflictresolution#psychology#therapy#healingquotes#heal#healfromwithin#love#compassion#wellbeing#wellness#lovingkindness
Often when we’re faced with the suffering of our Often when we’re faced with the suffering of our partners we want to help fix it. But often truly the best solutions to problems come from within. Everyone has their own solutions to their own problems. Yes supporting and being loving, offering help, and giving help when asked are great healthy things to do in any relationship. But you don’t have to fix the situation. Simply being there to support and love and listen to your partner while they work things out for themselves shows that you trust your partner and believe in their ability to be responsible for their life. We all need guidance and support at appropriate times but each person has to make their own choices in life in order to be free and happy. Having healthy boundaries involves recognising that we aren’t responsible for every aspect of our partner’s wellbeing, and that they have the capacity within to choose what they need for themselves.⁠ ⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ #relationships#relationshipadvice#relationshiptips#relationshiprules#relationship101#lovequotes#marriageadvice#loveandmarriage#marriagegoals#emotionalwellbeing#emotionalintelligence#healthandwellness#selfhealers#innerwork#changeyourlife#mentalhealth#personalgrowth#growthmindset#growthquotes#quotes4life#psychology#therapy#healingquotes#heal#healfromwithin#love#compassion#wellbeing#wellness#lovingkindness
Load More… Follow on Instagram

Privacy Policy
Copyright © 2022 Simon Samuels | Creating Healthy Relationships